Young Robots In Love, Part 3 Author: Elsa Frohman Rating: VVV (Very, Very Victorian), actually PG-13 for language. Spoilers: Takes place right after Smashed in S6 BtVS. Summary: This idea came from Taramisu (Thanks, Tara) who
demanded a WilliamBot fic. That got me thinking about why a WilliamBot
would have come into existence.
Warren and Andrew carried in the female bot -- Andrew on the
head, Warren on the feet. It was rigid as a statue.
"You took the feet because its lighter at that end," Andrew whined.
"I took the feet because you always fall down when you walk
backward," Warren replied irritably.
"You just want to look up its skirt."
"Oh, right..." Warren gritted his teeth and rolled his eyes. "Like
that's anything to look at. Its legs are locked together, numb-nuts."
The bot was dressed in an extremely short, leather skirt and bustier.
It had four-inch, spike heels on its mid-calf boots. Its blonde hair
was loose and fairly tangled, since Andrew had insisted on having
the windows open in the car on the way back, complaining that he'd
get carsick otherwise. Jonathan was waiting at the bottom of the
stairs -- alone.
"Where is it?" Warren asked as he set his end down and helped
Andrew stand the bot up.
"In your workshop. I didn't think he should see her until she's turned
on. I don't think he should know she's a bot," Jonathan replied.
Warren nodded. "Good thinking. It will only take a few minutes to
get it powered up. I picked up the power supply it was missing in
Carmel, and we finished the assembly last night at the motel. All
I've got to do is load the behavioral program. And I still have a
complete copy of that from the one I built before."
Jonathan frowned slightly. "I don't think he's going to like that
outfit."
"What do you mean?" Warren said incredulously. "It's going to love
it. What guy wouldn't?"
"Too extreme," Jonathan replied.
Warren looked at the bot thoughtfully. "Well, there is something to
be said for the schoolgirl scenario."
"I could go get something from my cousin, Mary Margaret,"
Andrew said. "I think she's close to the same size."
"Yeah!" Warren agreed. "She goes to St. Sebastian, doesn't she?
They wear those plaid uniforms with the pleated skirts and knee
socks, don't they?"
Andrew nodded.
"Right, get one of her uniforms. This will be so cool!"
"Your cousin is going to give you her clothes?" Jonathan asked
skeptically.
"Nah... Aunt Ellen, Uncle Bert and my cousins are out of town for
the Family Focus Weekend up in Sacramento. I've got the key to
their house to feed their cat."
"Cool," Warren said. "You run and get the Catholic schoolgirl
outfit. This is going to be so hot!" He looked the bot up and down.
"Too bad Mary Margaret isn't a nun; that would be even hotter."
Andrew took off. He was back in fifteen minutes, and they finished
dressing the bot at nearly the same time as its loading routine
completed. The only hitch was a lack of underwear.
"I didn't want to go into Mary Margaret's underwear drawer,"
Andrew whined. "That's icky!"
Warren shook his head. "It will just have to get by without," he said,
pausing a moment. "Actually, I think I like that."
Jonathan stood off to the side as the bot was stripped and dressed.
The process was making him uncomfortable. He wasn't sure why.
The bot was inanimate -- no more a girl than a department store
mannequin was a woman. And the day before, he'd been all for
seeing the female bot naked. But that was before he'd spent a day
with the WilliamBot.
BuffyBot v2.0 was ready for activation.
Warren pressed the language processor switch under its jaw, then
reached for the on switch.
"Wait," Jonathan said. "I think there's something you should know
before we go the rest of the way."
Warren stopped.
"The other bot -- its programming didn't turn out exactly the way
you thought it would."
"Is it functioning?" Warren asked.
"Yeah, but it's different -- for one thing, he doesn't want to be called
Spike. He thinks his name is William."
"Not a big problem, as long as it's not walking into walls or
breaking things."
"Also, he didn't want to dress like Spike."
Warren frowned. "What does that matter? It's a robot. It doesn't get
to make decisions for itself."
Jonathan squirmed a little. "I know. I tried to explain that. But he
was making a scene -- so I let him pick out what he wanted to wear
himself."
Warren shook his head. "You are such a wuss. No matter. We'll
change its clothes later. It didn't want to wear polyester, did it?"
Jonathan shook his head. "He never heard of polyester. The
mindprint came from 1880..."
"Really," Warren said, raising his eyebrows. "Who knew Spike was
that old? I figured he'd been turned sometime in the '70s or '80s."
Warren shrugged. "OK, let's get on with this."
He pressed the on switch, and the bot's eyes opened. Its lips rose
into a bright smile, and its head turned with quick jerks as it took in
its surroundings for the first time.
"He moves a lot better than she does," Jonathan said as he watched
the bot's first motions.
"The mindprint has a lot more body-control data," Warren
explained. "This one's body control will get better as it processes its
feedback from moving its limbs. I've improved the behavior
program a bit since the first version. It has better learning
capabilities."
"Good," Jonathan said. "Because the other one is so much more
lifelike it's going to look odd."
"Trust me, Bunky. Don't be such a downer. This is going to work.
After a few hours, you won't be able to tell this from a real girl."
"OK, if you say so. Do we want to wait to introduce her to William,
though?"
Warren gave Jonathan a dismissive look. "No reason to wait. Let's
get it on."
Jonathan went to the workshop door and opened it.
"You can come out now," he said. "She's ready to meet you."
The WilliamBot came to the doorway and stopped.
For the first time, Andrew and Warren got a look at his suit and
bow tie. Their eyes widened.
"By the way," the WilliamBot said. "I have yet to see the script for
this theatrical I am to participate in."
Warren and Andrew started to laugh, but Jonathan shot them a dirty
look.
"Um, no. It's sort of an improv thing," he said to the WilliamBot.
"I see. I was simply going to offer, since I am a man of letters, to go
over the script with an eye to improving its literary qualities."
Warren's laughter stopped. His brow wrinkled, and his smile turned
down.
"Um... We'll see," Jonathan said. "But right now, it's time to meet
your leading lady." He gestured to the BuffyBot, whose smile
turned even brighter, if that was possible.
The WilliamBot approached his new companion.
"Allow me to introduce myself," he began.
The BuffyBot stuck out her hand suddenly for a handshake and
tilted her head as she spoke.
"I'm Buffy. You're Spike. I'm not wearing any underwear!" she said
with inhuman perkiness.
The WilliamBot was taken aback. He glanced over at Jonathan as if
looking for moral support.
"I understand you were told your colleague would be named Spike,"
he said uncertainly. "But there has been a change of plan. I wish to
be called William Botsworth."
"OK, Spike," the BuffyBot said. "I'll call you William Botsworth.
Are you wearing underwear?"
The WilliamBot was speechless for a moment, but then he frowned.
"That is a most improper question!" he exclaimed.
Her face fell. "I'm sorry. I will erase that question. Do you want to
ravage me now?"
The WilliamBot frowned for a moment, then composed himself.
"Could you excuse me for a moment, my dear?"
"Yes. I'll just wait here until you're ready to resume."
The WilliamBot went back to Jonathan and whispered in his ear.
"Are you certain this young woman has all her faculties?" he asked.
"I would hate to think that you were taking advantage of a
simpleton."
Jonathan tried to give the WilliamBot a reassuring smile, but he
wasn't entirely successful. "She's not retarded, but she is very
inexperienced," he said. "You may have to teach her how to
behave."
The WilliamBot thought about that for a second, then nodded
gravely.
"I shall accept the challenge," he said.
"Shall I resume interaction now?" the BuffyBot asked as the
WilliamBot came back.
"Let us begin again," the WilliamBot said.
"OK! I'm Buffy. You're Spike. I'm not..."
"Don't say it!" the WilliamBot said hastily.
"OK!"
The BuffyBot smiled and waited for further instructions.
"Now, please remember. I am not Spike. I am William Botsworth,"
he said slowly, as if talking to a slow child.
"William Botsworth," the BuffyBot said brightly.
"Very good. Now, please tell me your surname, so I may address
you properly as Miss ..."
The BuffyBot looked puzzled. "Surname?"
"Your family name."
"Family? I don't think I have one," the BuffyBot said, pausing as
she brought up the pertinent data from her memory. "I have a sister.
Her name is Dawn. My mother is dead. My best friend is Willow.
She's gay."
"You're an orphan, then?"
Before the BuffyBot could answer, Jonathan intervened. "Yes, she's
an orphan."
"I see. I shall simply call you, Buffy, then. You may call me Mr.
Botsworth. I will be your teacher."
Andrew had lost interest and wandered off to read a comic book.
Warren was looking on with growing incredulity. He'd covered his
mouth to keep from laughing out loud, but at the same time, he was
becoming annoyed with the robot's manners.
"Enough of this. Let's get a camera and lights set up," he said at last.
"Perhaps you'll give me at least an outline of the story we shall be
performing?" the WilliamBot asked.
"Story?" Warren asked sarcastically. "You're looking at her. You've
been introduced. It's time to get your freaky on."
"I'm sorry, I don't understand," the WilliamBot said with a frown.
Jonathan stepped in.
"It's a story about a man and a woman meeting and finding love
together," he said, struggling to find something to say that wouldn't
make the WilliamBot balk and refuse to participate. "When the
camera is rolling, you'll talk to her, and, well, do what comes
naturally."
"I see," the WilliamBot said with a nod. "My motivation is to guide
and educate this innocent young woman who has come to me for
protection."
"Yes, exactly," Jonathan said. "You'll do fine."
"Andrew! But that comic away, and get over here and help me set
up these lights!" Warren barked. Then he turned to the WilliamBot.
"Don't fool around. This is test footage. I only want to shoot ten or
fifteen minutes to see how the lighting and camera angles work out.
So get her clothes off as soon as possible."
The WilliamBot looked at Warren in mute shock.
"Sir, this is unacceptable!"
Warren puffed himself up and stood blocking the robot's way.
"I don't think you get it, Tinman," he sneered. "You don't get to
decide what's acceptable and unacceptable."
"I believe this supposed theatrical you expect me to perform in is, in
fact, no such thing," the WilliamBot said angrily. "It is a base and
scandalous burlesque in which you intend to exploit myself, and
even more heinous, this innocent young woman. I will not
participate in such an unsavory enterprise."
Warren raised his eyebrows. "Oh, you'll participate," he said with
an unpleasant smile. "All I have to do is shut you down and
reprogram..."
Jonathan stepped between Warren and the robot.
"No reason to get into that," he said hastily. "Ix-nay on the
ogramming-pray alk-tay."
Warren glared past Jonathan at the WilliamBot.
"Then what do you suggest? We're getting nowhere fast here."
"Slow down," Jonathan said evenly. "You're pushing too hard. He's
a little bit old fashioned. And if you keep pushing him this way, he
won't be able to ... um ... perform, anyway. You know how it is
when you're under pressure."
"We'll be in a retirement home before he makes a move," Warren
replied.
"Give them a chance to get to know each other -- without us
standing around watching them, and cameras and lights. I bet if we
leave them alone together, they'll figure out what to do by
themselves."
Warren looked unconvinced, but he relented.
"All right," he said with an odd glint in his eyes, "you two crazy
kids can have some time to get comfortable with each other."
He stepped out of the way.
"Here," Jonathan said to the WilliamBot. You two just go into the
workshop. You can chat and get to know each other. William, you
can show Buffy how a proper young lady should act. She just needs
someone patient to instruct her."
The robot nodded. He held out his hand to the BuffyBot. "Come
with me, my dear."
After the door closed, Jonathan turned and found Warren sneering
at him.
"When did you become the robots' advocate?" he asked. "We've got
a lot invested in those two. I didn't build them so they could bore us
to death."
"Give them time. He's a man, at least he thinks he is," Jonathan said
reasonably. "She's programmed to be easy. That's got to lead
somewhere."
Warren gave Jonathan a suspicious look.
"OK. I'll wait an hour. But then we're going to set up the lights, and
they're going to get it on -- one way or another."
The WilliamBot guided the BuffyBot to a chair in the workshop.
She sat down and looked up at him expectantly.
"My dear," he said, pausing after the opening because he wasn't
sure precisely what he wanted to say to her.
"Yes, Mr. Botsworth?" she asked.
"Very good!" he said with a smile. "You remembered."
"Oh, yes. I think I'm very good at remembering things." She smiled
brightly.
"Perhaps we could begin by telling one another what we like," the
WilliamBot said slowly. "So, tell me, what do you like, Buffy?"
The BuffyBot tilted her head as she considered the question.
"I like Spike," she said after a moment.
"And what are you to call Spike?"
"Oh! Mr. Botsworth."
"Very good. What else do you like?"
The BuffyBot's eyebrows knitted as she tried to find an answer.
"I like making Mr. Botsworth happy," she said at last.
The WilliamBot smiled. "Isn't there anything you like for yourself?"
"I can't locate a relevant response for that question," the BuffyBot
replied, her expression revealing some distress at being unable to
answer.
"Very well, I shan't press you."
"What do you like?" she asked.
The WilliamBot smiled. "I like many things, my dear. I like taking
bracing walks by the Thames in the morning. I like treacle tarts and
reading the Times by the light of the window in my study. But most
of all, I like poetry."
"Oh! Can I recite some poetry for you?" the BuffyBot asked.
"Yes, that would be very nice. I think I would like that very much."
"OK!" The BuffyBot composed herself, folding her hands in her lap
and sitting up straight in her chair.
"There once was a man from Nantucket," she began.
The WilliamBot was quite scandalized before she finished, but he
hid his discomfort. He could see that any negative reaction on his
part would distress the girl.
"Ah, yes... " he said after she was done. "Very interesting."
"I know more poems," the BuffyBot said brightly. "I can recite the
full text of 'The World's Best Dirty Limericks,' by M. David, et al."
"Really," the WilliamBot said, looking slightly down his nose at
her.
"Um... perhaps later. Would you like to hear one of my poems? It
would please me to recite it for you."
"Oh, yes," the BuffyBot replied. "I would like that very much."
"Capitol," the WilliamBot said. He cleared his throat.
"Ode to a Sparrow Who Perched Upon My Window Sill," he began.
"Oh, sparrow, oh sparrow, thou tiny bird;
"Thy twittering tweet 'tis the finest I've heard;
"Thy feathers do ruffle my spirit so somnolent;
"Your visage reminds me of beauty transcendent."
The WilliamBot paused to give his audience the opportunity to
reflect on the verse. The BuffyBot watched him closely and when
he didn't continue, she concluded he was finished and applauded
enthusiastically.
"Did you like it?" he asked.
"Oh yes, it was so... so... poetic!" the BuffyBot replied.
The WilliamBot blushed with pleasure. "Oh, it's just my amateur
scribblings. And the last line really doesn't rhyme properly."
"Oh, no! It's perfect. Absolutely perfect!"
"Would you like to hear another? I have many I could recite for
you."
"Oh, yes! Please. I would like to hear all your poems. And I will
memorize them so I can play them back when you are tired of
reciting them."
The WilliamBot grinned. "Thank you, my dear."
"Is that pleasing to you?" the BuffyBot asked.
"Yes, it pleases me a great deal."
The BuffyBot smiled her brightest smile.
"Listening to your beautiful poems will make me very happy. Then,
afterwards, you can pound me with your enormous meat hammer,"
she said cheerfully.