The Nose Knows Author: Elsa Frohman Rating: PG-13 Spoilers: This follows after Smile Time, AtS 5x14. Summary: OK, those "couple of days" are up, and it's time for Angel to leave
polyester fiberfill and felt behind, but it seems he's misplaced something.
Angel reclined on the table in the Wolfram & Hart infirmary. He only
covered about half the table, being approximately three and a half
feet tall. But he had high hopes that before the hour was out, he
would regain his former height. Wesley was preparing the ritual
ingredients to ensure that the transformation went according to plan.
Fred was taking measurements on the cosmic ether to be certain that
this was the proper moment to guide his real body back from the
extra-dimensional void to which it had been banished when Angel was
turned into a puppet.
Spike stood off to the side, just watching. He said he wanted to be
there to give Angel what was coming to him -- when he'd wouldn't be
picking on a "wee puppet man" any more.
Fred stopped and looked at Angel, frowning.
"Um, Angel, where's your nose?" she asked.
"My nose... it's not on my face?" Angel asked, sounding surprised to
be asked such a thing.
"Um... no," Fred replied. "I think you ought to have it on when the
transformation happens."
Angel reached up and touched his face, which was, indeed, missing a
prominent feature.
Wesley looked up from his work arranging candles in a mystic circle.
"I wasn't going to say anything, but you haven't had it on since you
got back."
Angel sat up and looked around. "Why didn't anybody tell me?"
Spike laughed. "Isn't the sort of thing you say to a bloke. Excuse
me, but your nose seems to have taken a powder..."
Fred cleared her throat. "You really need to find your nose and put
it back on. Otherwise, your real nose might not come back with your
body. There has to be a complete exchange. Do you remember where you
left it?"
Angel's felt face took on a look of distress. His little broody
eyebrows rose and tilted down at the outer edges. His mouth fell
open. "I don't remember," he said in a worried voice.
"Well, you had it on when you left with Wolf Girl this morning. What
kind of breakfast takes until two o'clock in the afternoon?" Spike
asked.
"We went back to her place. Her sister and her family were all out
for the day. We, um... you know..."
Fred, Wesley and Spike all looked shocked.
"Angel... you're a puppet..." Wes said in a hushed voice.
"Just because I'm a puppet, doesn't mean I can't... it's none of your
business!"
"Is he anatomically correct?" Spike asked Wes.
Wes looked a little disturbed by the question. "Well, I haven't
actually looked but even if he is, with the size difference..."
Fred raised an eyebrow. "That isn't the only way, you know," she said
with a little smile.
"Would you people just drop it?" Angel asked angrily.
"Right," Spike said, suppressing the urge to giggle. "Of course, we
wouldn't be discussing this at all if you hadn't dropped it..."
"Spike..." Angel growled.
"Never mind," Fred said primly. "When do you last remember having
it?"
"Oh, that would be a very long time ago," Spike said with a smirk.
"Last time Angel had it? Sometime before the dawn of the 20th
Century, I'm sure."
"Spike..." Angel warned.
A giggle escaped Wes, despite his best efforts to suppress it.
"I'm glad you find this so amusing," Angel said darkly. "But,
personally, I'm not looking forward to eternity as a vampire without
a nose."
"At least you won't smell," Spike quipped.
"I wasn't really laughing at you," Wes said, attempting to cover over
his faux pas. "I was just reminded of a short story I read in school.
It was by some Russian author."
"Oh, yes!" Fred offered. "I remember that one. 'The Nose,' by Nikolai
Gogol. A man wakes up one morning and finds that his nose has left
town in disguise."
Spike raised an eyebrow.
"Look at the bright side," he said to Angel. "At least you're not
reminding people of Franz Kafka. Turning into a cockroach would be a
lot worse than this."
"Let's try to keep our minds on the subject at hand," Wes said,
forcing himself to be serious. "We have limited time to retrieve
Angel's nose. The transfer has to take place in the next hour."
"I must have left it at Nina's," Angel said. "Bring me a phone. I'll
call her."
Nina made it to the lab with the nose with 10 minutes to spare.
"I'm so sorry," she said as she brought it out of her purse and put
it back on Angel's face, gently patting it into place. "I didn't know
you needed it. You said you were changing back today, and I thought
you'd just get back your real nose."
"I will," Angel said, putting a hand up to feel that his nose was
back where it belonged. "But I have to have this one to get it."
"I'm so sorry. I was going to keep it as a memento. It's so
adorable," Nina said. "And we had such a nice time this morning... I
just wanted something to remember you by."
"You don't have to remember me," Angel said. "I'll be right here --
and a lot taller."
"Yes, I know, but you won't be the same. You'll be Angel, but you
won't be so... cute."
"Do you really mean that?" Angel asked. "You like me better this
way?"
"I don't know if it's better -- I'm sure your regular self has many
good qualities... but you're so cuddly," Nina said, bending down to
give him a hug.
"I'll still be cuddly," Angel said earnestly.
At that moment, Spike began to choke on the cup of coffee he was
drinking.
"All right," Angel said with a sigh, "let's do it."
After the transformation had taken place, Angel and Nina left to look
into another breakfast.
"Breakfast?" Spike said incredulously. "It's almost past time for
tea!"
Wes shrugged. "I guess we'll never know exactly how they..."